Teacher in the Hood

I like Unions

Mon, 02 May 2011 17:54:45 GMT

I am really sick of all of the union busting that is going on 'round these parts. If my dad hadn't been in the UAW, I can almost guarantee that I wouldn't have gotten my schooling paid for nor would we have had a solid middle/uppermiddle class lifestyle growing up. Despite some internal problems (and hell, every group has those, including Grandmaw's sewing circle), I owe a lot of my good life to the UAW and its wages/benefits.

If I live to be 1000--and how cool would that be??--I will never understand how people think that paying working folks $25/hour is bankrupting the country. No. What is bankrupting the country is the folks on top wanting more, more, more. If we pay the guy who actually makes the cars $10/hour, then Maxwell the Corporate Suit can someone earn 1% more in his annual seven figure bonus. Yeah I know that's simplistic, sue me. That's how I see it. (And I'm sorry but standing your ass on the line all day, putting fenders on Fords is a HELLUVA lot more difficult than prancing around in your corner office all day. Yeah I know you have huge decisions to make, my Brooks Brothers friends, but at least you are sitting down and can piss whenever you want to)

But more than the money/benefits/workers' rights, we need to consider the social ramifications of busting unions. Jeff & I are watching The Wire on Netflix and we are in season two, which deals with the longshoremens' union. Beyond some weird shenanigans and drama (dude, it's a TV show! They aren't going to make a TV show about the Detroit Federation of Teachers who just kind of sit there and work with teachers), there is a larger issue--the social one. For many blue collar workers, this is their place to belong and know they'll be taken care of in an emergency. Most people want to belong to something larger than themselves either for protection, friendship, strength in numbers, whatever, right? We see it in the inner cities with gangs, in colleges with sororities (Chi Omega here!), in guilds, Knights of Columbus, Kiwanis Clubs, neighborhood block groups, whatever. I certainly do not want to paint all blue collar workers with the same brush, but I'm sure many of them (like my dad and his buddies, anyway) ain't joining no Optimist Club. Instead, they have their bar they all go to, the union hall, the sense of camaraderie and belonging.

What happens to these guys when the unions are gone? Watching this season of The Wire makes me wish that I had their union in my life. I wish we all did, to tell the truth.

I think another thing to remember is that before collective bargaining, mass strikes, unions? Yeah, we had a 60 or 80 hour work week. So the next time you are driving Up North on Friday, think about that. And the next time your kid doesn't go off to the mill for her 13 hour day, consider that the labor unions helped end child labor. Read the book Sea Glass by Anita Shreve for a glimpse of what those jolly days were like. Labor forces also helped set the standard of employer paid health care. So when you go to your doctor and only pay a $10 co-payment, please think of this.

The for-profit charter movement is a perfect example of what happens when management is given unfettered control and is just out to make a buck because let's face it--that's what they are out to do. They want to make themselves the most possible money. Don't kid yourselves.I'm a teacher and, at least until May 17 when our "Emergency Financial Manager" makes a paper hat out of my contract, in a union. Compared to non-unionized teachers, my pay (right now) is considerably higher. Unionized teachers top out anywhere between $70k-85k in many districts where charter teachers might see mid-$40ks after 20 years (if they don't get fired because the principal has a bad day, of course). We also have good benefits, a pension, sick days, guaranteed lunches. Isn't that fucking pathetic? I need a contract to guarantee my 45 minute lunch break but I do need it because charter teachers often have to eat lunch with the kids. Because of a teacher surplus (created by universities and colleges that keep cranking them out, year after year--don't get me started!), the charters know that they can fire their teachers and have 20 more lined up the next day to take the job.

Lest you think I'm a big labor homer, I will say this...yeah, it sucks that our custodian can't change the lightbulb because the contract says only engineers can do that. And yeah, the nasty teacher who sits on her fat ass and eats Doritos all hour while I try to help the kids...yeah, she pisses me off, too. (But you can fire her...the principal just needs to show cause, which is not hard to do). And sure, there are some folks who take advantage of the system.

But let me say this--at the end of the day, I'd rather be unionized than not. I took a sick day today because I wasn't feeling well. I know that, when I return tomorrow, I will have my classroom and job. When I was in the private sector legal field, I couldn't say that with confidence. When I was in the legal field, and I had bosses masturbating in their offices and paying me less because of my vagina and not giving me vacation and not letting me leave even though I had nothing to do and threatening to let me go every day, I would have killed for a union. I was so jealous of people who were in unions that I'm sure I said a lot of the things people are saying now. I regret that. But here is what I say now and I will say it until I die--until I can trust management to pay me equally, to respect my rights, to care about my safety, to not fire me at a whim, to not harass me, to understand that I may need a sick day or two...until then, I'll take my union.

What I've Got by a Special Ed Teacher

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 02:08:23 GMT

What I got….

Hi. I’m a special education teacher in the inner city and here is what I got.

I got a teaching job which is almost as hard as winning Survivor or marrying the Bachelorette or whatever. Okay maybe not THAT hard, but getting a public school teaching job is tough. It always has been, folks tell me, as there has never been (and likely never will be) a teacher shortage

But I’ve got a great job! I’ve got…

*A killer schedule. I think the teachers do ourselves a disservice when we complain about the job. Let’s be honest—we get 10 weeks off at summer, 2 weeks at Christmastime, 1 week mid-February and one week at Easter. For some reason, teachers love to yell and scream about how much we work. I’m not sure how that got started but I’ll tell you, you can’t beat this schedule! I think we need to embrace the schedule rather than trying to defend it.

*A job with a guaranteed lunch break and prep/planning hour. Not all jobs have that.

*A job that allows me to use my creativity and can often be a lot of fun.

But here’s what else I got….

*Kids whose basic needs aren’t met. Remember Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? Yeah, me neither. But I know that you needed food, clothing, shelter in order to move on and be satisfied in life. If our school doesn’t feed some of them breakfast, then they don’t eat. When some of the kids’ bus is late and they miss breakfast, I have to track down the (very kind and lovely) lunch ladies to get cereal or a breakfast bar and milk. In the past, I’ve bought socks for kids and made sandwiches to bring home. Because if your basic needs aren’t met, how the hell can you remember your 9s times tables?

*Kids with no prior knowledge. I remember my parents talking to me when I was a kid. I know that I went into school I was, if not precocious, I at least had prior knowledge of things. If a teacher said something like, “give me a break!”, I knew that you didn’t literally want to break something. If a teacher referenced the wider world, I could usually catch on. Kids in my school don’t have that. They have no idea about well-known books, songs, movies. They don’t know simple figures of speech. They’ve never read a book before they started school and no one is around to help with homework. And when your teacher is trying to teach math, like I was today, and when I said, “I know this sounds cheesy guys but….”, half the kids thought that I meant literal cheese.

*Learning issues. The 6^th grade teacher at my school is very nice but admittedly knows nothing about math. Since four kids on my caseload are in that class, I have taken to going in and teaching math to the whole class. Of 25 kids (only 4 of whom are identified “special needs”), at least 20 are completely lost on any given day. Fortunately, I am patient and trained in special education methods so I go slowly and break it down to step by step by step (sometimes even reviewing basic addition facts). If I tried to just do a lesson, I would maybe reach 4 or 5 of them…the others literally need step by step instruction, every single day. I know it wasn’t like this when I was coming up, so what the hell happened?

*Schools of Choice. It is no secret that I don’t abide anything other than the old school public school (taxes pay)/private school (parents pay) model. None of this charter school, academy bullshit. I hate how they make money off of the backs of students, don’t pay their teachers, kick out troubled or special needs kids but the thing I hate most is how they give too much choice to people who can’t handle it. Choice is great—too much choice is not. We have kids who are on their third school this year. Reasons for moving the kids range from not liking a particular teacher (you aren’t going to like everyone—make it work), the kid was getting “picked on” (who didn’t? I stood up for myself or ignored it and it stopped and it only made me stronger), the kid didn’t like the school (who does?), the school started too early (????), they just didn’t “like” the school, the school wasn’t a “good fit”…lookie here. Life isn’t a good fit—it’s about making it work. You aren’t going to like your boss or your job and you might OMG get picked on. Whatcha gonna do? Quit? Then what? And yeah, yeah, I hear my friends with kids saying that they would move their kid if it was getting picked on or bullied but dude, this happens all over. The answer is to address it, not to run from it—otherwise, it will never stop. How does it help a kid for him or her to always be the new kid, always scrambling to meet people, make new friends, catch up? And for us teachers, we are on the spot knowing that if we tell parents the truth (your kid is failing, for example, or the kid needs to be suspended) and they get mad, they can easily move the kid. That happens too much and the school shuts down. How do I teach under those circumstances?

*Absences. In my day, we had 10 absences per year, excused or not. When I turned 18, I took great advantage of being able to sign myself out of school and left 5^th hour one too many times such that, if I skipped the day of Prom (as I had planned to do), I would fail the class (despite my B average). So I had to haul my ass up on the day of Prom, go to 5^th hour and then dash off for hair and nails and make up. Now? Doesn’t matter. Kids have to stay home to babysit or because they are moving again or because they just don’t feel like going. Our truant officer can go out to the house but all you have to do is…

*Tell ‘em your homeschooling. We have the most lax homeschooling laws in the Midwest, if not the nation. I had a kid whose mom (who, by the way, was making $108,000 tax free dollars for adopting five kids) was on the run from CPS and pulled her kids. When I sent the truant officer to her home, all she said was, “I’m homeschooling” and there wasn’t a thing we could do. (Oh, and her idea of “homeschooling” was to lock the five kids in the house for a year and a half with no education, no medical care and inadequate nutrition). In Michigan, you don’t need a clean criminal record, a degree, a lesson plan or anything other than being able to say “I’m homeschooling” and then, when the kid turns 18, you can even give them a diploma. Now pretend we had “homedoctoring” where the “doctor” didn’t have to have a degree or anything and could, in fact, perform surgery just by saying, “I’m homedoctoring.”

*No stability. Kids who move every four months, kids who have “uncles” in and out of the house, kids with revolving doors for family members to come in and crash. I tend to walk around school and smile at kids. I know it sounds, well, cheesy, but I have no idea what is going on in their home and I might be the nicest person they see all day. Sometimes I look at the girls and wonder if they are being raped by mom’s boyfriend of the week or if they are so desperate for male attention (from lack of a dad) that they will jump into bed and have unprotected sex with the first guy who waves at them. Then I look at the boys and wonder if they see their mom giving it up to any guy who walks by, squeezing out kid after kid with man after man and how that affects the way they see women. I look at all of them and wonder if they see their mom getting beaten up and called “bitch” and how that will affect their future relationships. I look at the pretty girls in the 6^th grade class that I work with and I want to just beg them to not have a baby until they are at least 30.

*Kids who were born addicted to crack, alcohol, weed or any combination thereof. I am here to tell you that when you are born addicted, something is always going to be wrong. You will have problems of some sort your whole life. Since your mom lost custody of you at birth, you have that issue to deal with too and, 999 times out of 999, your dad wasn’t anywhere around so there’s that too. That’s where I come in. Somehow, I have to help these kids understand and learn. They may not be able to see or read letters backwards or can’t hear or can’t remember numbers or have trouble walking or can’t retain information for longer than a minute, but I have to do what I can do for them. I will love them to pieces and will do anything I can for them, but I can’t be their mom. I will say “I love you” back and will bring in cookies and will give hugs and wipe tears but I can’t be their mom because their mom is some crack addict whore who should have her tubes forcibly tied around her neck. But I’ll do what I can.

*Kids who are being raised by folks who are in it for the check. Parents and guardians of kids with special needs get checks from the government. There are many, many arguments for and against this but I’m not here to debate that. I’ve seen anything from $550 per month up to $9,000 per month for adopting five “special needs” kids. The kids don’t see this money and SSI will only cut the check—they won’t check up to see how it’s being spent or if the kid even still has special needs (found this out when another teacher called SSI to report a guardian who wouldn’t take the kid in for a doctor appointment). For at least one guardian, this isn’t enough to take the kids to a free eye doctor appointment to get free glasses for kids whose vision would be almost perfectly corrected if they had glasses. So because they don’t have glasses, I enlarge their work, rewrite it with a thick marker or find magnifying glasses for them.

*Parents who never got the memo that when you have a kid, shit changes. When I graduated from college, I knew that my days of sleeping in until 11 were over. Because, you see, graduation was a Life Change. Some parents don’t get that. There are far too few dads, period. While I’m here, I’d like to communicate one thing to women—just because you can have a baby without a steady man (pref. a husband) in your life, doesn’t mean you should. And please, there’s no need to get back to the club and breeding the moment the afterbirth expels. This man isn’t going to stick around/marry you/be your Wallet so you can quit work/save you. And guys, please stick around or else wrap it up. I have seen kids with two parents (gender doesn’t matter) and without two parents and with two parents is almost always better.

*Kids who are in the sixth grade and can’t read or write, kids in the 8^th grade who are 15 and 16 years old and can’t remember the steps to long division let alone how to figure out a probability problem, kids whose parents don’t speak or write English and can’t help them with homework, kids who have had meningitis, TB, lead poisoning, brain infections, brain tumors, brain cancer and ass whuppins hard enough to leave marks that were the worst I’ve ever seen. I have software that I can’t get loaded on my computer because no one from the Help Desk will come out or else I can’t afford the software that I desperately need. I have kids in foster care and 11 year olds being raised by 44 year old grandmas and kids with alcoholic moms and kids whose moms write me notes saying “Dis is so and so’s mom and dis is no write what he done” and kids whose brothers are in jail and kids who yell “I love you Ms. Smith” and who give hugs and say “I love you” after I talk to them for two minutes on the stairs even though we’ve never seen each other before and kids who jump up and down because they finally get a math problem and kids who come to school in clean and pressed uniform clothes even though our school is falling apart and has a burned out house across the street and gang graffiti all over and kids who drag me over to see their science fair posterboard and kids who ask ME how I’M doing even though I’ve got the great life and great job and they got nothing.

I’m any special education teacher in any inner city school district and that’s what I’ve got.

From my girl Lisa L.--ABC survey

Wed, 09 Mar 2011 02:55:30 GMT

A - Age: 39 on my birthday which is next Thursday

B - Bed size: Queen sized sleigh bed

C - Chore you hate: cleaning my house

D - Don’t eat: meat that is not well done

E - Essential start-your-day item: pee

F - Favorite board game: Monopoly. I'm good with money

G - Gold or Silver: Gold wedding rings, silver necklace

H - Height: 5'8"

I - Instruments you play: skin flute (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I love myself)

J - Job title: Special ed teacher

K - Kid(s): fuck no

L - Love or lust: both

M - Mom’s name: Judith

N - Nicknames: Pooh Bear, whatever the kiddos call me when I'm not standing right there

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: asthma attack at age 12

P - Pants or pantyhose: pants

Q - Favorite Movie Quote: soooo many, from Caddyshack, Office Space, Animal House, Breakfast Club, Pulp Fiction

R - Right or left handed: Right.

S - Siblings: none!

T - Time you wake up: 6:15 if I am Jazzercising, 6:45 if we have staff meeting, 7:45 regular school day, around 10 on non-school days

U - Underwear: cute cotton ones, often try to match with what I'm wearing :)

V - Vegetable favorite: I am not at all a veggie fan but will eat corn without too much complaining

W - Ways you run late: I'm lazy and don't want to get up

X - X-rays you’ve had: many lung ones plus a head CT years ago

Y - Yummy food you make: biscuits, mac'n'cheese, meatloaf, cookies, baked goods

Z - Zoo favorite: polar bears

Summer Songs

Fri, 04 Feb 2011 19:13:48 GMT

Okay I'm really ready for summer to be here. Not just cuz I get the time off (will be trying to find a part time job...Mondays and Tuesdays would be awesome...I can do that :)) but because I like the weather. (Although once it gets to be about 85 degrees, I'll start bitching about that too.)

There are some songs that remind me of summer, no matter what time of year I listen to them. Some are obvious, such as Summer Breeze (by Type O Negative or Seals & Croft) or School's Out by Alice Cooper. In fact, I cannot listen to School's Out until about May. Cruelly, this year is played on Sirius Classic as I backed out of my driveway on September 9th or 10th. But others require some explanation, so....

1) Heatwave. Okay yeah, I know this song has the word "heat" right up in the title, but there is a more fun reason why. My 10th grade bff, Myla, and I discovered the joys of the bulk candy store near our homes. Naturally, we packed those little bags as full as we could and ate it all in one night that she slept over at my house. I'm sure we were like little squirrels on meth, bouncing around as if we had springs attached to our asses. At some point, we put on my record player (yes folks, this was 1987 or 1988; I didn't get my first CD player until 1991) and put on my record (ibid) of the song Heatwave. We hopped around like the fools that we were and probably wore the record right out. Now, I must confess that I'm not 100% positive that it was summertime when we did this. However, in my brain it was summer and so that makes this song qualify for this list.
(While I'm on the subject, the things one remembers--and are POSITIVE about--are interesting to me. For instance, I swear to God that a friend of mine in college had a radio show that started at 12:01am just so he could play the unedited version of the song Asshole. When Jeff & I met my friend and his wife for dinner a few years ago, my friend had no memory of this and swore it wasn't him. So who is to say that the sleepover happened and exactly when and how I said it did?)

2) The "10th grade song" trifecta. For some reason, I have extremely fond memories of my 10th grade year. Couldn't really tell you why except that it was my first year of high school and things were brand shiny new. Probably because of this, I have very fond memories of what I call "10th grade songs", which were songs that came out (or at least were new to me) circa 1987/1988. In fact, during my Adrian College DJ years, I would play these songs and always start reiminiscing about the 10th grade songs to the point that my radio partner, completely exasperated, turned to me and said, "Patti, they're ALL tenth grade songs to you. And they can't ALL be tenth grade songs!" Well, she was probably right but still. Here are three that strike a note of summer in me:
a. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard. I distinctly remember my same BFF mentioned earlier and I went a joy ridin one day in the summer of 1988. Of COURSE we drove by the house of the doofus I had a crush on (couldn't tell you his name to save my life so let's call him ABC.)  Giggling and probably about to pee our pants, Myla & I drove by ABC's house a number of times and went back for one more loop when OMGWTFBBQ HOLY FUCKING SHIT the boy himself came walkin round the corner. I distinctly remember saying, in only the way a 16 year old girl with a crush can say, "What do I do? What do I do?" and Myla saying, "I don't know but turn the car! Turn the car!"  And this was the song that was on the radio that fine summer day.
b. "Make Me Lose Control". Okay this is a douchey LAME song and I realize that, but it was on the radio a lot that summer.
c. "Wait" by White Lion. Yeah, I know it's a hair band. Yeah, I know they suck hard. But my first friend to have a car, Alicia (not to be confused with my summer of 12th grade BFF, Aliecia), came by to pick me up so that we could go to her house and work on a science project (measuring the Ph of acids and bases, IIRC). We of course decided to get some ice cream or something and ended up just driving round the fine cities of Troy & Sterling Heights. This song was on the radio. I have no idea why I remember this--and indeed at the time, probably never would have guessed that I would have remembered this 20+ years later--but I do.

3. Just about any Van Halen song.  Seriously, aren't their songs MADE for summer?  Not just Ice Cream Man, Beautiful Girls and Summer Nights, but just in general? Whenever I hear a VH song, I immediately want to be on my back patio, in warm weather, with a bunch of friends, drinking beer.

4.  Southern Cross by C, S & N (or CSN&Y, whatever). This song specifically reminds me of the summer of 1997, or as I call it, The Summer of the Bar Exam.  That was a shitty fuckin summer in some ways. I had this cool internship that, like all internships, paid at the poverty level. And I had to study for the Bar, which was the 5th hardest Bar in the country at the time (not sure about now).  Since I, like an idiot, went to law school in Wisconsin where you are automatically on the Bar just by graduating, I knew NOTHING about Bar exams. Imagine MY surprise when I graduated in December of 1996 (after the two worst years of my life thus far...imagine an extrovert being forced into being an introvert--the horror) and came home to find out that before I could even APPLY for most jobs, I had to be a member of the Bar. So I had to hustle to get registered, take prep classes and get time off of my internship to prepare. For some reason, I heard the song "Southern Cross" a lot on the radio. The line "and we never failed to fail...it was the easiest thing to do" resonated with me because I fully expected to fail the fuckin thing (I didn't btw, I passed!!)  Every time I would hear the song, I would jam up that line.  It also reminds me of my friend Wade, with whom I studied for the Bar and who I guess was my BFF that summer (are you seeing a pattern here?). We had as much fun as one could studying for that damned thing.

5. Crush by Dave Matthews.  Let me start by saying that I hate DMB.  Douchebags, douchebags every where and the world did sink. Yuck. Total tools they are.  But I heard this song in the summer of 1999 and didn't know who it was by (this was before Sirius told you ever song and artist). And this of course was the summer that I fell in love with Jeff! And I had quite the crush on him and in fact, emailed him about how much I loved that song and it made me think of him :)  I do clearly remember driving to the post office from my law office and getting lost even though I had been there a hundred other times. I had my mind on other things, people!! Having not fallen in love since, this is my last memory of that lovely free-falling crazy silly goofy feeling. So even though I do not abide DMB, I will allow him this song simply because it reminds me of Jeff, who I guessed you'd say became my BFF for life!

So I think what I'm really saying is that I need summer BFFs! Who wants the job?????

More Songs I Don't Like

Sat, 08 Jan 2011 17:18:29 GMT

A long time ago, I posted songs that I don't like. I have recently come across more songs I don't like and thought I would do a follow up. Granted, this is not a terribly uplifting post with which to start the new year (happy 2011, btw!) but it's all I can think of right now. If you have other topics you would like to hear about, just say the word and I'll do my best.

1) Jazzercise likes to take songs and fuck with them. Well, I guess other artists do the fucking but I hear them at Jazzercise and every once in awhile, I want to gnaw off my own foot and beat someone with it. Case in point, the Jazzercise DVD I was jazzing to. It has a song from Alan Parson's Project called "Where Do We Go From Here?". It's, um, jazzed up and I've never heard the original but I can tell you that the jazzy version is HORRIBLE. At first, I presumed it was about a post apocalyptic landscape (the lyrics say something about "where do we go from here now that all of the children are gone?"). I have to turn the sound down when it comes on my TV because I just picture a barren wasteland, devoid of children, with bare trees and a dark sky and burned out buildings and people aimlessly roaming about and looking for things to eat. You may say I had quite the visceral reaction to this song and you would be right. It doesn't help that the people singing sound like they are being strangled to death by some giant, unseen hand.

2) The second song is another Jazzercise gem but they didn't jazz it up...they just play the regular song. The song is called "Picture" and it's by Kid Rock. I don't like Kid Rock even under the best of circumstances and the day they find him with a belt around his neck, a bottle of Bud in one hand and his dick in the other will be a great day for me. Anyway, I had an extremely visceral reaction to this piece of shit, for reasons I'd rather not go into publicly. But I also had a "want to rip off someone's head and crap down their throat" reaction because the song is so fucking typical! I mean, it is Kid Rock and I don't expect the wisdom of Moses--hell, I'd don't expect the wisdom of the guy sticking his tongue in the electric socket--but it's just bad writing. Look at the lyrics and note how the dude is doing the fun shit (drugs, drinkin' and fuckin') and the woman is experiencing "heart ache and cheap wine". While she's off to church, he's off to drink her away. Couldn't the chick be kinda cool and at least doing some blow?

3) Jazzercise is not to blame for this last song; Sirius Classic Rock is. Some days, it gives me great hope to think that somewhere, Ian Anderson is standing on one leg and playing his flute. That makes me smile, knowing that he is happy. If he's happy, I'm happy. But then I had to hear the song "Cross Eyed Mary" and look up the lyrics. It's not enough that she's a child prostitute, screwing Aqualung and other leching greys, or that her abortionist drops her off at school...no, she's gotta be fuckin' cross eyed, too!!! Jesus Christ, Ian! Go stand on one leg and play your fuckin flute and cheer the fuck up, will you?

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Tue, 14 Dec 2010 17:03:32 GMT

My all-time best friend, Tiffo, loved Ren and Stimpy in college. As far as I know, she still does. I have never seen the show but I remember her saying "happy happy joy joy' a lot during our college days and me always saying, "Now what's that from again?" I think I finally learned me it!

So, here is why I say "happy happy joy joy"!

1. Jeff and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary on December 1st!! And yes I *did* want us to sing a rousing duet of "Opposites Attract" (but I think the boy parts apply to me more than the girl parts do, except that neither of us likes to smoke). Jeff nixed that idea. Nevertheless, we had a lovely day as we went to the Corner Brewery for dinner and drinks. Some of our friends were there, gathered 'round the fireplace. The brewpub bought us our first round, which was cool. I'm slowly getting used to the new old mug with my name misspelled. I still miss my brown mug terribly but I like to think that, when I die, it will be waiting for me with its big grin and correctly spelled name. Also, it will have neverending beer in it and it won't make me gain weight.

2. Our anniversary party was AWESOME. We blew a 10 gallon keg in about two hours. I guess we know some beer drinkers! Despite the numerous dinner parties I have thrown in my life, I still get that nervous feeling about an hour before things start. Fortunately, people started coming in in droves right after 7:30 and I was so busy that I didn't have time to get nervous. We had our bagpiper (ROCKED!), souvenir shot glasses that said 10 years, Jeff & Patti, souvenir beer mug shaped cookies (I only got part of one but it was good), and our two awesome beers that we brewed. I also put together two boards of pictures of Jeff and me through the years. It was a blast putting those together because I remember some very good times. I did, however, reflect upon how our pictures went digital a few years ago and how different that still is to me. I printed some of the pictures out, but it just wasn't the same. I also trotted out the newspaper from 12/1/00 (still in its original plastic bag and hey guess what? The Lions were still losing!), some stuff from our wedding (napkin with our names on it, invitation, booklet, etc.) One of my friends asked what sort of cake we had at our wedding (it was multi-tiered but the part we fed each other was banana with buttercream frosting). My friend brought along banana cupcakes with buttercream frosting and I coerced Jeff into feeding them to each other. Somewhere on the Interwebz is a picture of this lovely event. We had a DJ and we danced to our wedding song ("Moondance") and couples song ("Let's Stay Together") and did the chicken dance and the hokey pokey and I led the Locomotion around the pub. I learned that random people will give you a high five if you offer it to them. Then we did the schwimm, schwimm song from Oktoberfest that I just love. We also did the Hustle but I was pretty lit up by that time. Pictures of this exist on the Internet, too. We also had a drunk homeless guy try to crash but that is perhaps a story for another day.

3. This school semester has been great AT school but sorta shitty in other areas of life (see previous posts). But I think I hope I have things worked out and back to normal. I certainly have been trying really hard. Like I tell the kids, you can do whatever you want but there will be consequences for whatever you do. (To wit, if you go up and kick the principal, you will get suspended and possibly go to jail. No one actually did that but of course they had to ask me what would happen). I am trying to atone for the consequences of my actions. I was a big huge prick at times and to various people. I figured out that this is because I have no coping skills and never really know how to react to things unless I plan ahead of time. So since I learned how to parallel park finally, I guess my new years resolution will be to learn how to cope. I'm sure the Internet will help me. Anyway, HAPPY HAPPY for putting things back together!! And taking responsibility for things!!! JOY JOY JOY

4. School is winding down! Only 3 more days after today. The bad thing is that as the general education teachers do less, I do less, which bores the shit out of me. I actually like pushing into (most of) the classes with the special ed students. But when they are just sitting around, I end up sitting around too and that is boring.

5. I've had other fun things, besides the anniversary party (but that shit WAS the party of the year!! Like Mainline Society party of the year, bitches!). Jeff & I went to Frankenmuth's Bavarian Inn for Thanksgiving. That whole week is my favorite week of the year, especially because of social goings-on. Ashley's had a beer thing that Tuesday, Arbor had a beer release that Wednesday and we may have spent a few hours at the Frankenmuth Brewery on Thanksgiving Day. Also may have gone to the Bavarian Inn hotel bar that night. Every other Friday has been the usual Whole Foods with the crew. Last Saturday was the Smithee Drinking Night and Krampus event at the Corner. I got to wear my Santa outfit that I bought special. Pictures exist somewhere on the web. Most importantly, Jeffy seems to be having fun at these things, so that is splendid (one of the kids' spelling words this week). I can't wait to stampede (spelling word) out of the building on Friday but I will exhale (spelling word) a sigh of relief at 3:25 on Friday as I leave this mammoth (spelling word) building (last week's spelling word). Btw, one of the words last week was assemble and guess who giggled right along with the 6th graders?

Update to the WHINE

Wed, 10 Nov 2010 23:07:24 GMT

1) Mug is the process of being remade (faster, stronger, better). I asked the current mug dude if he could make me a mug similar to the old one (brought along pix and everything) and he said--and I quote--"Absolutely not possible." That made no goddamned sense to me...I mean I get it if his "style" is different and all. I wasn't asking for the exact same thing but to shut me down like that? What he didn't know is that I actually have quite a bit of money budgeted to replace the mug and would have considered patronizing him more often. Not no more though! One of my girlfriends is an artist and art teacher and she is having a student make one for me. WIN!

2) Elbows and knees healing...knees are yellowy purplish. Scab is almost gone on my elbow.

3) Tire is fixed (did I mention I also had a tire issue? I did)

4) The phone reappeared today. The minute the phone disappeared, I thought that one of my twins might have taken it. My twins R & L have really bonded to me for some reason. R particularly has this love thing going on for me (he's 11 so it's cute, not creepy). He also has used the "five finger discount" on other occasions...taking money for a field trip, taking a girl's snacks, several things. I had thought that this was stuff was in the past; nevertheless I immediately thought that he might have taken it because, knowing how he thinks, he could "call me". (I say this because he always asks me what I did when I went home, if I talked to my friends, what we said, what I had for dinner and so on). So the phone is gone as of last Wednesday. On Thursday, R asked me if I called any of my friends last night. I said, "Funny you should say that...have you seen my phone." He said no.

Well today, I picked up a piece of paper (heavy braille paper that you can't see through) and what do I see? My phone! I knew it wasn't there yesterday because there is a stack of CDs under that piece of paper and I had just gone through them yesterday. So I was chatting with my boy R today and I did a TOTAL Law & Order. I said, "Hey, there's some kid in (our principal's) office saying he saw you with my phone." His face got this weird look on it and he said, "Well, I saw your phone yesterday." I said, "Really? Where?" R said, "Right over there" and pointed to where it was. So I said, "Well when did you see it?" And he started saying, " When I was in here and you were over there and I saw it...." And I said, "Well why didn't you tell me about it?" And he started getting flustered and I said, "Look, I'm still going to love you to pieces and I'm not mad at you but did you borrow my phone?" And he says, "It wasn't like that...I have to tell you later." And I said, "Here's the thing...the phone disappears, you ask me if I've called my friends, the phone shows back up, you seem to know where it was and say you saw it yesterday...I can see you taking it just to have something of mine or thinking you could call me." He was really flustered by now so I said, "Okay, stay here with (my para) and I'll come back and see what's up." I took a nice walk around the building and came back. My para said, "Oh yeah...he feels guilty...tell her what you told me." And R admitted he had "borrowed" it to call me and my friends.

I'm upset about this because trust has been breached. We decided to call home (he begged me not to, knowing a butt tapping and grounding was forthcoming), put him on in-school suspension, have him do some chores at recess and issue me an apology. I'm also going to make it a rule that he's not to be in my room unless I am there. If he is caught in there at any other time, he's suspended. He could have been expelled for this, so it's extremely serious.
I know there there was no nefarious intent underlying this theft, but I am still sad that this kid takes things that don't belong to him. This is the kid who is 11 1/2, reads at a 1st grade level and can barely write. He can't do anything more than 2 digit addition and subtraction. I worry about this kid because his start in life (born addicted to 3 things, vision problems, severe learning disability, tuberculosis at a young age) wasn't great. Now he's basically illiterate and still taking things from people. The future is not at all bright for this kid and there isn't much I can do.

Whine

Thu, 04 Nov 2010 02:07:10 GMT

I'ma whine for a few:

In the past week, I've taken a really bad spill at school (on my lunchtime walk), injuring my knees and elbow, my Corner Brewery mug smashed into a million pieces on Saturday, and today, my phone was stolen.

I hope it's true that shitty things happen in 3s and I'm done for awhile!

The Worst Dream

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 02:03:27 GMT

When I was in the third grade, I had a dream that I still remember. Well, I remember the main, awful part...I woke up and walked into my kitchen. I remember seeing the pantry door partially opened because it doesn't always close all the way. My grandma (who was alive at the time) was sitting at the kitchen table. My mom's body was there, folded up in thirds (I know that makes absolutely no sense and I can't describe it any better). I knew immediately what happened and I said to my grandma, "She's dead isn't she?" She bit her lip and nodded and I woke up or the dream ended. It was awful for an 8 year old and still awful to remember. Oh, there were also bees buzzing around. I just remembered that.

Last night, I had a dream where my mom went into the hospital. I talked to her on the phone and she was kinda rude to me. Somehow, I ended up at her house with Jeff. We were in the kitchen and I checked her answering machine and we talked on the phone again. There was a bunch of stuff in the middle but I ended up back in time, at Hudsons in Oakland Mall. I had the chance to see what it was like in the 50s (it wasn't around then) and there was something about a beauty salon. Then we were back and I got an email from my mom and tried to call her but couldn't reach her. Next thing, I'm walking out of my old room into the kitchen. Jeff was on the phone and I knew immediately that my mom was dead. Jeff had some papers and he tried to hide them from me but I saw the one on top. It said "Permission to Publish Obituary". Then I asked when she had died and he told me several days ago but no one wanted to tell me. He also said that the doctors had only given her seven days to live but no one had wanted to tell me. I never got to say goodbye. The last thing I remember is freaking out and smashing some pictures that had been on the wall. I woke up absolutely certain that my mom had died. But it was like 4am so I went back to sleep and woke up feeling better.

I have spent life expecting to die before my parents. Given my history of depression/anxiety, this is not an unrealistic thought. Now I don't know and that scares the shit out of me. One day, it isn't going to be a dream.

I'ma sound like an old lady...

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 14:14:37 GMT

...but every event around this place has to have kids' activities, kids' booths, ways to keep kids entertained. In my day, we entertained ourselves. We didn't need a booth, table, special activities...we went along with our parents, kept our mouths shut (more or less) and were happy to be with our parents, eating, running around or whatever.

At these events, I see parents take their kids to the booths and let them do whatever. Why can't the parents entertain their own damn kids, even just by talking to them? Or how about letting kids know it's okay to be bored? I was bored plenty of times as a kid and it didn't leave any lasting damage. When you are bored, you learn how to deal with yourself. What happens to these constantly catered to, constantly "entertained" kids when they become adults and realize that working f'in sucks and that life is pretty boring?

Things you should have learned in school

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:15:06 GMT

I never really approved of Cracked magazine. It was, to my mind, a mere pretender to the throne that was Mad. Their website, however, has won me over. This article in particular caught my attention:

http://www.cracked.com/article_18611_the-10-most-important-things-they-didnt-teach-you-in-school.html

Particularly, #10 caught my attention. I sometimes look at my female students and wonder how I can teach them that there is a portion of the population who hates them just because they are female. (And another portion that hates them just because they are black and of course overlap between the two). There is a not insignificant portion of men out there who have been rejected and rejected and rejected and never realize that it is them, not the women. Rather than give into any self-reflection or try to change, they instead hate women. With a vengeance. And they blog about it and make comments about it and basically get away with it because it is not yet taboo to do this sort of stuff. I mean, it's sort of taboo, but no one stands up about it, the way people do when they see racism. (Do not misunderstand--I am glad the people stand up against racism, but just wish it would extend to sexism as well).

#1 also caught my attention in that TV and movies do fuck with you--at least, they fucked with me. The Real World caught me by surprise and took me a long time to get used to. As the article correctly points out, this didn't happen 200 some years ago. Also, they had more shit to worry about then. And I couldn't vote. Cuz of sexist assholes like those in #10.

Monday Meme!

Tue, 11 May 2010 01:07:46 GMT

I just don't have much to say on LiveJournal, so I'm resorting to the occasional meme. I realize that this irks people, and I'm sorry if it does.

1. What’s your favorite Dr. Seuss book?
Oh the Places You'll Go
It really resonated with me when I read as I was leaving the legal field

2. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?
Not a TV home, but a play home...I would love to live with the Sycamores in You Can't Take It With You. I think I'd fit in just fine :)

3. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep?
I pulled one or two all nighters in college, one in law school (during Moot Court) and once when my friend and I drove back to WI to get my stuff after I graduated from law school. That was the night that we heard the "Baby Come Back" song and laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves. I tend to start hearing things when I don't sleep, so I try to never stay up like that.

4. What’s your favorite Barry Manilow song?
Barry rocks. Er, soft rocks. Whatever. I love singing Mandy, Weekend in New England, Could It Be Magic? in the shower....it's the trifecta.

5. Who’s your favorite Muppet?
Statler and Waldorf

6. What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking?
Talking really fast when I got nervous

7. What’s your favorite website?
Facebook

8. What’s your favorite school supply?
All of them! I go school shopping for myself every September.

9. Who’s your favorite TV attorney?
Jack McCoy on Law & Order

10. What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?
We went to see my mom and my dad, who both live about 50 miles away

11. What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or junk shop?
My wooden "butler". He's awesome! I got him at the Treasure Mart. He is thin and about 3' tall and holding out a tray. He has a little bowtie that I painted red. I love him.

12. Where were you on September 11, 2001?
I was working at one of my legal aid jobs from hell, this time in a battered woman's shelter. Everyone was comparing the World Trade Center disaster to domestic violence and I wanted to throw up...that really bugged me for reasons I can't even explain. The executive director said I was being "violent" when I expressed anger at the terrorists. And half of the rich, trust fund bitches who worked there all decided they had to run home and call their rich New York friends "in case they were on the plane." None of them lived near the Twin Towers, but you know, they might have flown that day! God I hated that job.

13. What’s your favorite tree?
My magnolia tree in my backyard.

14. What’s the most interesting biography you’ve read?
Most recently, I read High on Arrival by Mackenzie Phillips. That broad be fucked up.

15. What do you order when you eat Chinese food?
It's way too fattening so I usually get the veggies with sweet and sour sauce.

16. What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?
Probably my cute French maid costume.

17. What’s your least favorite word?
Fired.

18. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?
I could live with Carolina.

19. Who’s your favorite bear?
My Pooh Bear husband!

20. Describe something that’s happened to you for which you have no explanation.
I have two incidents in my life that I cannot explain. I do not wish to mention one because I really and truly will freak out. The other has to do with how water has appeared suddenly in front of me, but there are no water sources around. Very odd.

21. If you could travel anywhere in Africa, where would it be?
Never thought about it. I don't like to fly.

22. What did you have for lunch yesterday?
I made brunch for my mom--asparagus spinach frittatta, applesauce waffles, beef sausages. MMMMMM!

23. Where do you go for advice?
I don't ask for advice a lot. I guess I try to solve things myself but if I can't, I'll ask various friends.

24. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?
Dictionary.

25. Have you ever been snorkeling? Scuba diving?
Nope.

Me Me Meme

Sun, 02 May 2010 22:58:21 GMT

It's Sunday! It must be time for a MEME!

1. Never in my life have I been…
High on drugs.

2. The one person who can drive me nuts is…
Smug, rich assholes

3. High school was…
Boring. I had friends, was involved in stuff and also kind of a "goth"

4. When I’m nervous I…
Twirl my hair

5. The last song I listened to was…
Sly & the Family Stone (in my car)

6. If I were to get married right now, my best man/maid of honor…
Would still be Tiffany

7. My hair is…
Very very dark brown, all one length, thick

8. When I was 5…
I was delighted with life...man, those were some good times!

9. Last Christmas…
We brewed beer & ate Chinese food

10. I should be…
eating dinner but I took a nap and didn't get it started in time

11. When I look down I see…
My Jolly Pumpkin T shirt

12. The happiest recent event was…
Happy hour at Whole Foods this Friday...that was fun! Saturday was fun too--brewed beer & went to a tea party (not *that* kind!)

13. If I were a character on Friends I would be…
Monica.

14. By this time next year…
Hopefully still in my same job, counting down the days til summer break

15. My current gripe is…
The dismantling of the public (non-profit, real public) school system

16. I have a hard time understanding…
Why people who have so much refuse to share with those who have less (much less, usually)

17. There’s this girl I know that…
is my student and who is going to high school next year.

18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be
Jeff

19. Take my advice…
You'll never end up doing what you think you'll end up doing

20. The thing I want to buy…
Nothing, right now

21. If you visited the place I was born…
You'd be on the border of Troy and Sterling Heights, MI

22. I plan to visit…
European brewery trip, see a Concentration Camp or two, visit Greece

23. If you spent the night at my house…
You'd be on the couch

24. I’d stop my wedding if…
I found out Jeff was cheating on me

25. The world could do without…
Nanny States, dictators, Tea Baggers, Neo Cons, anyone who doesn't agree with me :)

26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than…
Give birth. I'm terrified of it but fortunately, I never have to do it!

27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself…
a beer

28. Most recent thing someone else bought me…
a burrito

29. My favorite blonde is…
I guess any of my friends who are blonde

30. My favorite brunette is…
Me, of course

31. My favorite red head is…
Any of my friends with red hair

32. My middle name is…
Fitzpatrick, a family name

33. In the morning I…
drag my ass out of bed, get ready and drive to school

34. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are…
Uh, none, thanks

35. Once, at a bar…
I drank a pitcher of Long Islands, went in the bathroom and threw it all up, bought another pitcher and drank it

36. Last night I was…
woken up by my dog at 2:30 AM

37. There’s this guy I know who…
takes great care of me. I call him Pooh

38. If I was an animal I’d be…
Dog. My dog, specifically

39. A better name for me would be…
I think Patti fits me well.

40. Tomorrow I am…
Going to school

41. Tonight I am…
Sitting on my ass

42. My birthday is…
Always fun, one way or the other!

TV Show

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 01:52:23 GMT

Grabbed from Max Boma!

Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
Strike thru any you haven't heard of
Put an X by ones you have never seen an episode of (I added this to make them stand out more)
Post your answers

50. Quantum Leap -- I've seen a lot of these
49. Prison Break X
48. Veronica Mars X
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City X

45. Farscape X
44. ~~Cracker~~
43. Star Trek
~~42. Only Fools and Horses~~
41. Band of Brothers X

40. Life on Mars X
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm X
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation --every eppy at least twice
36. ~~Father Ted~~

35 Alias X
34. Frasier X
33. CSI: Las Vegas X Never seen any of the CSIs
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood X

30. Dexter X
29. ER -- I've seen a lot of this show
28. Fawlty Towers X
27. Six Feet Under X
26. Red Dwarf X

25. Futurama X
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK X --never saw the US or UK version
22. The Shield
21. ~~Angel~~

20. ~~Blackadder~~
19. Scrubs Just recently discovered this show-- love it!
18. Arrested Development X
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who X

15. HeroesX
14. Firefly X
13. Battlestar Galactica X
12. Family Guy X
11. Seinfeld X

10. ~~Spaced~~
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire X
07. Friends I saw most of these, up until Rachel got knocked up and then it got dumb and I stopped watching it.
06. 24 X

05. Lost
04. The West Wing -- I think I saw one or two eppies
03. The Sopranos X
02. Buffy
01. The Simpsons

Asshole who stole my MasterCard

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 00:43:55 GMT

Dear Person Who Stole My Master Card Number,

Hey, last week I checked my MasterCard that I got through my university where I take teacher ed courses. You know, the one that the federal government puts money into and the one that I only use to pay tuition? Yeah that one. And WOW! Was I surprised to see that instead of having $2000 in it, I only had about $845. I was even more surprised when I noticed that someone had had a jolly good time buying something from some place in London, about $800 worth of Itunes, a Go Daddy website (which, interestingly, you later returned) and enjoyed some conversations via Skype. Did you have a nice chat? Gosh, I hope so! Now, why did you return your domain name? Did you realize that you are too busy masturbating to pictures of the Hamburger Helper glove that you couldn't possibly have time to blog? Or does eating your own warts take up too much time and so it really wasn't worth it? Either way, I'm glad to see that Go Daddy promptly returned your money! What great customer service. Not so great as to, say, demand the 4 digit security code on the back of the card but when it comes to refunds? Man! They are Johnny-on-the-spot.

You sure do like music, huh? I don't think I've ever spent $800 on music in a month...or probably even in one year. But you kids these days with your Itunes and Iphones and Ipods. Speaking of Ipods, if I ever find out who you are, I'm going to make you eat that Ipod! Oh yes yes I surely am! Just for fun, I might shove it up your ass first! Wouldn't that be great? Can't beat that with a stick, can you? Oh and speaking of sticks...guess where I'd like to shove one right about now? No silly! Not up your booty, but you're close!

The really sad thing is that no one is even going to try to find you to ~~shove their foot up your ass~~ prosecute you. It would be delightful if you lived here in SE Michigan, we caught you and prosecuted you, got you on a felony and sent your merry ass to prison! What you did was a crime, you see, whether you realize it or not. You stole money from me, you dick thong. I hope those iTunes do something to make your headphones melt into your ears. Asshole.

Love,
Patti

PS: This is the calm version; you should have seen what I wrote a week ago.

Weight Loss

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 02:23:12 GMT

Today's post on weight loss can be found on my food/beer blog by clicking here.

Thanks!

Over 30 Meme

Sat, 20 Mar 2010 02:31:28 GMT

Ripped from max_boma

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Mortgage.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Don't remember.

3. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I'm good...on the couch in my PJs

4. How many colleges did you attend?
Heh. Let's see...about 8 because I went to one college for freshman year and then one college for the rest. Then I took classes at four community colleges--Oakland, Jackson, Washtenaw and something in Lenawee. I didn't want to screw up my GPA so I took the harder classes there--ended up getting As anyway though! Then I went to law school and then I went to Eastern Michigan to get teacher certification.

5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's a brown t-shirt with the Jolly Pumpkin logo. It is comfortable.

6. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I really don't abide the ~~smug Ann Arbor people~~ folks who want $8/gallon gas prices to try to get us to ride bikes more. I drive 30 miles to work each day. Thousands of teachers are getting laid off and there are no teaching jobs to be had in this state; ergo, I couldn't get a closer one even if I wanted to. Moreover, I don't want to. I like my job. I don't know in what Leave It To Beaverland that some of these folks grew up, but I always knew that people drive to work. I mean in theory I guess I could walk to a charter school and make about $15/hour, have three sick days a year, no job security and have to stay at school until all hours or I could drive and have job security, good salary and benefits...it's not contest, people.

7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Fuck. Tired.

8. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Thinking about a book I am reading that is set in 1901.

9. Do you miss being a child?
Yep.

10. What errand/chore do you despise?
Dishes.

11. Get up early or sleep in?
I am one of those people who will sleep until 1 if you let me.

12. Have you found real love yet?
Yes

13. Favorite lunch meat?
Pnut butter

14. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
You'd have to shoot me to get me to go

15. Beach or lake?
Lake

16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, but I think everyone should be allowed to be married!

17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither.

18.What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Whomever could give me a large cash gift :)

19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Knock on wood, just fender benders

20. Ever use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No.

21. Ring tone?
The classic bell, like the old school phones. The kids love it once they get used to it

22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In my car

23. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Never been, but I'd like to go to San Francisco and then drive that Route One or whatever that goes along the coast

24. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Started a new career a few years ago...wouldn't want to start either!!

25. How old are you
38

26. Do you have a go to person?
Not really.

27. Are you where you want to be in life?
Yep

28. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
Kimba, Underdog. My mom would put them on at about 2pm and I was glued to the set

29. What about you do you think has changed the most?
Aligned dreams with reality

30. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
No. I feel sorry for people who answer yes to that because that's just sad. Of course you will have bad years, but every year should have good things, too, hopefully.

31. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
Not really

32. Did you ever own troll dolls?
Hell no

33. Did you have a pager?
For one job, I did. What a pain in the ass

34. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
Movie theater

35. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
If I had kids? Yes.

Precious

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:43:33 GMT

Jeff & I watched Precious on On Demand last night. That was an intense movie. Even more intense when I stop and think how the movie was set in 1987 and Precious was 15; I was 15 in 1987, but my life was as different from hers as anyone's life could be. I have two schools of thought on the movie though and I keep going back and forth in my head about it.

The movie contained several black stereotypes. There was the "Reagan welfare queen" who watched the quiz shows all day, chain smoked, ate greasy nasty food and faked like she had Precious' daughter living at the house to get more food stamps. This character was Precious' mom who adhered to the "have a man at all costs" doctrine, which included letting him rape Precious. At one point, she says something like, "Don't think you're better than me because he gave you more babies than he did me." Precious herself was at a shitty inner city school--complete with a clueless white teacher trying to teach math. She had to walk by some male "gangstas" who harassed her. She had one kid and was pregnant again at 15. She couldn't read or write. She stole a bucket of fried chicken for Christ's sake. And everyone seemed to be drinking orange pop.

But then again...the movie didn't have the Magical Whitey swoop in to save the day (cough, The Blind Side, cough). Everyone who helped Precious was black or, in the case of the Mariah Carey character, definitely not white (they leave her ethnicity up in the air). There wasn't the gentle white teacher come to save the day, thank God. The teacher was black and a lesbian. Precious makes a great comment about how her Mom said "homos" were bad but how her teacher didn't beat and rape her, so wtf? Okay, she doesn't say wtf, but she means it, I'm sure.

I guess I am concerned that there is a segment of the population out there who may watch this movie and nod along with it, saying, "Yep, that's how they are." and feel righteously confirmed in their beliefs about the black community. I have read that some blacks feel the same way. One man said--and he's right--that when white people make a movie about addicts, it's just a movie about addicts but when black people make a movie, it's about black addicts.

But on yet the other hand, it's a slice of life movie. Like "The Ice Storm". I didn't see that movie and come away thinking all white people in the 70s had key parties and affairs. But then again, that was a white movie. Anyone who saw "Requiem for a Dream" likely didn't walk out of the theater saying "Those f'in white people are all the same" or "I knew that's how they lived!" In other words, the actions of the white folks weren't extrapolated onto the entire race the way actions of the black folks in Precious might be.

I should say that I am parroting concerns that I've read elsewhere. I wouldn't even have thought about some of these issues if I hadn't heard about them on the radio one morning. I brought the issue up with my coworkers, both of whom are black. They said that they thought it was a bunch of crap about nothing and people were just fussing because white people had made the movie.

Either way, it's a powerful movie filled with powerful images. And if it serves to open up a racial dialogue--without both sides crying "racist"--then all the better. PS : I'm not familiar with the actress Mo'Nique, but damn! That woman earned her Oscar and then some.

30 days of Love

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:07:22 GMT

At my neighbor's funeral, a lot of people stood up and said some very nice things. Prior to and just after his death, people filled up his "care page" (provided through UM Hospital) with kind comments, memories and all around nice things about him. This got me to thinking that I should tell people NOW the kind things that I think about then, the memories that I have about them, and all around nice things.

I started the day after the funeral (last Wednesday). I went through my Facebook friends and wrote down the names of people I know personally or have gotten to know fairly well online. Then I divided them into groups either of how I met them or common friends or whatever. My initial goal was to get through 5 people a day for 30 days. I had no idea how emotionally exhausting this exercise would be! I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be, so this may end up being a lot more lovin' time than I thought.

I start each email with a little disclaimer and explanation of why I am doing this. The disclaimer is to state that I am not doing this to get anything in return. That is, I am not an attention whore who is doing this just so people will turn around and say how freakin' cool I am. No. It's not about that. I've heard back from about 1/2 of the people, thanking me and a few did say nice things which I really appreciated; however, it's not about that. This is not to say that I want to get replies that say "suck me, you suck" :) but it's more about saying the things now, when we aren't hooked up to machines, losing cognition or stomping around half-insane, like my late neighbor (who I sincerely hope is happily cruising around the afterlife, sayin' "'sup" to Abe Lincoln or whomever).

If you haven't gotten your email yet, please don't fret...it's taking forever. And as I said, there are some folks that I just don't know well enough to have any shared memories with...but maybe by the time I'm done, we will!

Farewell

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:46:32 GMT

My next door neighbor was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last June. Our neighborhood has a Yahoo! group and word got around. There was a Care Page set up through the hospital, so we were all kept abreast of what was going on. We saw our neighbor go through chemo, radiation, more chemo, all sorts of drug cocktails and, despite a very low survival rate, some optimism. Eventually though, everything stopped working. He was going to enter an experimental drug study but one of his levels (potassium?) was just too low. They tried chemo and more drugs, but nothing worked. Last week, his wife posted a message that it was pretty much over. This morning, it ended.

I didn't know them terribly well, but he was a nice guy. He called us once when he saw a raccoon (fuckers) getting into the dog treats that I had left outside. Buddy played with their dog (only after Buddy saw me petting the dog and got jealous, typical Buddy) and he and I would talk over the fence. I know that the family (wife, 2 teen boys) was very much into the "green" lifestyle--one of the kids was Vegan, they had a compost pile, recycled, didn't use paper towels, only had one car, used a push mower...did everything right. But in the end, it didn't matter.

There is no way to make sense of this other than to say that shit happens and unfortunately, a disproportionate amount of shit often reigns down on those who least deserve it. I hope that my neighbor is in the world to come and having a wonderful time reuniting with deceased loved ones. I hope that there is a neighborhood like ours in the world to come, and I can at least stop by for a visit and maybe repay the favor of calling with a warning about errant (fuckers) raccoons.

Godspeed.

A Dozen Years Ago....

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 02:41:53 GMT

When I think of MLK Day, I obviously think of MLK. But I also think of how, in 1998, it was the first day of my first "real" law job. It was an awful day and I wish I had had the knowledge and foresight of what was to come (one miserable, degrading, low paying experience after another). Bt OTOH, I couldn't quit after one day, could I?

The beast who was my boss made me read a bankruptcy hornbook from 8am until 6pm. I got an hour for lunch, but you had to report back in promptly within that hour or else there'd be hell to pay. I remember going downstairs to the vending machine at around 4, just to wake myself up. I also remember falling asleep at about 9:00 that night, from a combination of a crash from all the stress & the utter boredom. My whole first week was spent as such. I had gotten a bad feeling about that firm when I interviewed, but they offered me a job and a not awful salary (certainly better than my $5.80 per hour at Meijer's or my $0.00 per hour at law school internships) and there were no other offers, so....

(As an aside, there were no law jobs back then; I can't even imagine what it's like now. Anyone know?)

The firm has since imploded and the three named partners all split up with much animosity. My beast of a boss--who used every chance she got to say how much she hated children--shat out a kid (I fear for that poor thing) and was fired from the firm (not for having the kid). She tried to be a judge and failed and then worked for the bankruptcy court for awhile. Now she is at some small shitty firm. As another attorney once said, 'When you stand next to [beast], you are standing by Pure Evil."

So it wasn't just me. But it still was an awful experience that led to more awful experiences (the guy fucking his paralegal under his wife's nose; the guy who played with himself at meetings; the woman who told me to take down my wedding photos because they were offending lesbians) and I wish I could sit down with my younger self and tell myself to hang loose--it would all work out. It has, and I am forever grateful.

It's that time of the blog....

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 18:08:53 GMT

(Sorry for the long post...since I cute and pasted, I couldn't get it into the LJ cut)

Opening…

Do you get regular massages?
No. Massages freak me out. Even the word squeeks me out.

Do you have an answering machine?
The voice mail on my cell phone.

What cuss word do you use the most?
Fuck

Are you underweight or overweight?
I have about 20 lbs to my "ideal" weight. On principle though, I don't like the whole "ideal weight" idea, since every body type is so different.

Can you see your veins?
Yep. There's usually not a problem drawing blood.

Favorite…

Soap?
the homemade kind

Fruit?
bananas

Kind of red meat?
beef, well done

Fish?
salmon or cod

Candy bar?
not a huge candy bar fan

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips?
No

Eaten lobster?
No

Climbed a mountain?
No thanks.

Been skydiving?
HELL no

Been water skiing?
No

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life?
Other than being financially independent, no.

Like your nose?
I do. I think it's cute.

Like salt and vinegar chips?
Meh.

Eat salsa?
Yes! I love the homemade stuff I made and canned.

Own a boat?
I wish.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences?
Discipline. Parents don't discipline their children and then the children wreak havoc on society

Your most macho trait?
I can swear for many minutes w/o stopping...is that macho?

The longest relationship you’ve ever had?
Mom and Dad, I guess.

Your most embarrassing thoughts?
Hmmm....

Your most shameful moment?
Those years I went off my depression/anxiety medication were not good ones....

This/That…

Bath/Shower?
Shower

Markers/Crayons?
Markers

Pens/Pencils?
Pens

Jelly/Cream Cheese?
Jelly

Bagel/Toast?
Bagel, but they are so fattening that I usually opt for toast

Finish…

My greatest weakness is…
Envy

I wish I was…
Not so envious of others

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are…
Poke out my own eyes, jump into a vat of hot oil, set myself on fire

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is…
Don't ask

Firsts…

Credit card you had?
Sears

Loan you got was for?
Law school

Paycheck was for how much?
From Sears back in 1988...probably less than $100

Time you had stitches?
Tubal ligation

Time you went to the hospital for something?
Tubal ligation

Lasts…

List everything you ate in the last 24 hours.
Salmon, cheese fondue, potatoes, root veggies, green beans, strawberry shortcake (great dinner last night, with friends)
Oatmeal and banana for breakfast today
Soup and bread for lunch yesterday

Last thing you used a credit card for?
Good question... I have no idea

What was your job previous to the one you have now?
Adult education teacher, American Government

Last thing you celebrated?
Christmas break!

Last time you were at a sports bar?
It's been years...

Xmas Break

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 01:03:07 GMT

This was a great break. I am grateful to get a break (any kind of break is a huge no-no in the legal profession...I can't imagine what it's like now. When I was in it, lawyers were a dime a dozen...now it's more like a nickel a hundred, if that makes sense) and even more grateful that I had such a great one. By the numbers:

Days off: 16
Days slept in past 10: 14
Days slept in past 12: 5 or 6
Naps taken: 5
Dinner parties hosted: 2
Brewpubs visited: 5 (Corner, Original Gravity, Copper Canyon, Jolly Pumpkin, Woodward Avenue Brewery)
Beers consumed: way too many
Bad days: 0 because a crappy day at home still beats being at work!

New Years Meme

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 20:06:00 GMT

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Actually reduced my food intake to this thrilling routine: whole wheat English muffin + 1 T pnut butter + banana snack + whole wheat low carb tortilla, 1 T pnut butter, 1 t jam, chips, string cheese + protein bar snack + dinner.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Nope. Yep.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Some college friends did. I have tokophobia (a term taught to me by the wonderful shekkara ) so even thinking about this freaks me the fuck out.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

USA.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

$1,000,000, tax free, deposited into my account. Hee hee. Seriously, I'd like to see a lot more tolerance from peeps.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Not specific dates, but times: Thanksgiving dinner, dinner parties, beer outings, the summer beer fest, screaming at the behemoth science teacher as she stood all George Wallace-like on the bus....

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Remaining fairly happy while the economy crashed and burned

9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't know...I guess not getting out and doing more this summer. I was really lazy.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I have several chronic illnesses that are not curable and probably won't be ($$ is in the treatment) but as long as I take my little pills, I'm good.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Various mugs of beer

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Students whose lives are screwed by people in Lansing who are douchebags & NeoCons who do not want an educated populace (or teachers to be paid more than $10/hour). That our kiddos didn't posse up on the bus like the MF'ing Partridge Family and head up there to blowtorch those assholes is admirable. Hell, that I didn't do that is admirable.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Lansing politicians. Some people need to be taken to the eastside of Detroit, beaten and left for dead. Just sayin'.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Well, my biggest expense is the mortgage. We put over 10% of our gross income into investment accounts, so that was a huge chunk.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Hangin' with the homies.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

That stupid "to the left to the left" song because any time you tell a kid to move to the left, that's what they say.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer?

happier, same, same as of January...I got my step increase but now it's going away with our new contract.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Gotten off my couch more and done things

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Calorie counting

20. How will you be spending New Year?

With Jeff and Buddy

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Not with anyone new. Still pretty fond of Jeffy.

22. How many one-night stands?

None! Go, me!

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Mainly watch sports and South Park

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I'm sure I do.

25. What was the best book you read?

I read a few good ones in 2009 but the absolute worst was The Road. I have nightmares about having to read it again.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Rediscovering Parliament Funkadelic thanks to Sirius 70s.

27. What did you want and get?

Wanted to not get laid off and so far, so good.

28. What did you want and not get?

Teachers to be paid like football players. Hell, even coaches would work.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

It's not from this year, but my favorite movie experience was the sing a long White Christmas

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Went to Grizzly Peak, came home and napped, went to Corner and met friends. I was 37.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Seeing rich assholes get their just desserts.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Seeing unions blamed for so much and rich corporate boards and CEOs blamed for so little.

33. Who did you miss?

I wish I could see my friends all the time!

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Thank You (fallentinme be mice elf agin)

Holiday Meme!

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:06:11 GMT

1. What is your favorite holiday show/animated show?
The ones from Rankin-Bass, esp. the Year Without a Santa...you can tell it's totally made during women's lib! Mrs. Claus takes charge.

2. Which holiday character do you think you’re most like?
Lucy from Charlie Brown. I'm always like her.

3. Which holiday character does your spouse think you’re most like?
Lucy

4. Favorite Christmas/holiday song?
The Hanukkah Song (OJ Simpson--not a Jew!)

5. Most hated Christmas/holiday song?
“The Christmas Shoes”--lame

6. If you have an all-holiday music radio station, when do you start listening to it?
I think we do, but I don't listen. Why is this in bold? I can't turn it off! Help!

7. If you have an all-holiday music radio station, do you love it or hate it?
No opinion; don't listen to it

8. Have you ever wrapped yourself as a Christmas present?
No

9. Who is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s father?
Who is the baby daddy? Whoever the reindeer is in the Xmas special...I forget which one.

10. Do you drive your neighborhood or one near you at night to look at other people’s holiday decorations?
I have, but didn't this year

11. When you see a heavily decorated house do you think, “Oh that’s lovely”? Or do you think, “Oh criminy, that looks like Christmas threw up all over their lawn”?
The ones with lots of decorations tend to be tacky

12. Do you count the days to Christmas with excited anticipation or dread?
I count the days to Xmas vacation!

13. When was the last time you had your photo taken with Santa? Did you sit on his lap?
Santa scared the shit out of me as a kid.

14. Do you make a Christmas list for your spouse or significant other, or do you rely on them to pick your gift(s) without a clue from you?
We don't exchange gifts.

15. When do you put up your tree?
I have a small tree called a "feather tree" that I keep up year round and decorate seasonally.

16. Real or fake?
Fake

17. When do you take your tree down?
See above

18. Do you shop the day after Christmas sales? What do you shop for?
Oh HELL no.

19. Did your work/office have a holiday party this year? Did you attend?
They had a potluck after school but you would have to shoot me to get me to eat with those assholes.

20. Do you have your New Year’s Eve Plans set yet?

I'm not a NYE fan and have never really "partied" on it. Jeff and I usually make fondue, watch the Twilight Zone marathon and go to bed.